Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Transition Time is Upon Us

Tonight, I am sitting at the keyboard listening to Chris Botti while a few of my tears slide down my face. I can only hold so many of them back when I think about the reality of my life at this moment.

Last Thursday, my partner decided to end all medical treatments and enter into hospice care. His latest diagnosis revealed that he has Pancreatic and Lung Cancer. 

Photo by Jagyasini Malakar on Unsplash

Deep down inside of my heart, I know that this is the choice that will provide him with total relief. His body is worn and tired. The Pancreatic Cancer mass is the size of a soft ball. At age 89 the time has come to let go of the flesh and become total spirit.

This is really the first time that I have cried about this situation. I was present when the results were given. Even though the Medical Assistant provided him with information about possible aggressive treatments, I knew when I looked at his face, the decision not to go that route had already been made. 

There has been a flurry of activity in our home. Furniture needed to be moved to make room for a bed and other medical equipment. I have had to contact numerous friends to let them know that he had entered into hospice care. 

My role as a caregiver is being supported by a medical team. The personnel has been kind and attentive to him, me, and family members.Our friends have showered us with love and support. They have stopped by to offer their help. I appreciate having the opportunity to step away for a moment. I need to stretch out and allow myself time to think.

For the moment he is doing well. I know that this is going to change as time goes by. I have to remember that over the course of his lifetime he has been actively teaching people Universal Spiritual Principles. Within those principles is a belief that when the body returns to the earth, the spirit will move on into the light of our God and live on. 

I cannot deny him that movement. Even though it will leave me here without him. It is what he wants and what is best for him. 

No timeline has been given for when his final transition will take place. I am not concerned about when the end will occur. What I am focused on is each day that we have together. Those moments when we can talk, laugh and enjoy each other's company. They will be a part of the memories that I have of our relationship and our time together.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Word on Wednesday

"Da Rules"

Spoken Word Artist: Marvin Hodges, Em Allison & Tejan-Thomas

Monday, August 14, 2017

Adjusting to a new level of normal

One of the lessons that caregiving and self-care have taught me is to expect new normals in life.

My partner had to be hospitalized for eleven days due to a bacterial infection and pneumonia. He is still recovering from this latest shift in his health. I honestly do not know where he will level off at. Every day is different response even though the routine is the same for him. 
BD having dinner at Outback: photo by dllwhite

I have had to work on making necessary adjustments in terms of time and how to help support his needs. On the day that he was released from the hospital he fell off of the front porch on the way to our front door. This resulted in a return trip to have a gash on his head treated. He also incurred a small neck bone fracture. His body is still sore from hitting the cement. I am thankful that his injuries were not more severe. 

His mobility has been limited because his legs and right hip still hurts. His psyche took a major blow after this latest fall. He has moments when Zero Fs is for real and no amount of encouragement will move him off of that point. He will argue about the smallest thing or simply refuse to cooperate with us about a task that he has to perform.  

We have had moments where our mutual frustrations have clashed. I have a tremendous amount of patience due to my professional work requirements, but there are moments when my enough limitations are struck and I have to respond from that place. I realize that he has a shortened limitation level and often it lashes out at everyone who is present. 

There are moments when things move along smoothly. We are able to communicate and interact without any traces of friction between us. I have placed a new value on those moments because I suspect that as time moves on they will be less frequent because of his diminishing cognitive skills.

The new normal is prone to change at any given moment. This is the most difficult aspect of our situation. One day, my partner is capable and moving about almost totally independent. The next day may be the complete opposite. There’s no way to plan or prepare for the switch up.  

Scheduled activities are currently running on flex time. I have to adjust sometimes on a moment's notice because it's obvious that he cannot cope with whatever we have to do. Rushing him to meet the requirements of a time frame is definitely grounds to start him resisting. 

I have had to put my writing on hold. My energy levels go up and down a lot quicker these days. Even when I have the opportunity to have personal time, I often opt for a nap instead of sitting down at my laptop to write. This is why my postings have been infrequent. I hope that in the near future, we will level off to a point where the new normal allows me time to do more writing. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Wednesday, July 12, 2017


Net Neutrality Image from Free Press Action Fund
This is a day for action to save net neutrality. 

The concept of Net Neutrality is simple: Your internet provider should not be able to slow down your browsing on certain pages, be able to block websites or charge extra fees to make sure content reaches you. All legal content is treated the same -- that is what is fair and democratic.

Technology Giants like Amazon, Spotify, Reddit, Facebook, Google, Twitter, and many others are rallying today in a so-called “day of action” in support of net neutrality, five days ahead of the first deadline for comments on the US Federal Communications Commission’s planned rollback of the rules.

In support of the "Internet-Wide Day of Action to Save Net Neutrality", more than 800,00 websites are displaying alerts, ads, and short videos to urge the public to oppose the overturn of the landmark 2016 net neutrality rules implemented by the Obama Administration. 

Sites across the web will display alerts on their homepages showing “blocked,” “upgrade,” and “spinning wheel of death” pop-ups to demonstrate what the internet would look like without net neutrality, according to advocacy group Battle for the Net. (source)

The changes are being proposed by the head of the U.S. Federal Communications Commission, Ajit Pai. 

Pai wants to repeal the rules that that reclassified internet service providers as if they were utilities. (source)

You can support Net Neutrality by participating in one or more of the following actions:

Contact the office of Ajit Pati, FCC Chairman 5 Calls provides contact information here.  

Sign a petition sponsored by Battle for the Net sponsored by Netroots here

Sign up for additional information about the fight for Net Neutrality at Freepress Action Fund here.

Visit Mashable and read "Here's how to protest online for the Day of Action to Save Net Neutrality", by Matt Petronzio for additional ideas here.